Mama's afghan

[twinfaye]

You have such insight that you scare me!! We are indentical. Nobody but our older sister could tell us apart, and Mama but I don't think she counts. We were dressed indentical until the 7th grade where we objected. No teacher or classmate could tell us apart and we never did the switheroo because as you hit the nail on the head we wanted to be ourselves. It is hard when there is someone exactly alike you and you can loose your identity. Most of the family called us "the twins" since they couldn't tell us apart. Drove us nuts always hated that they took the easy way out and didn't try to tell who was who. We were in the same classroom through 6th grade. Kaye had gastric bypass about 3 years ago and she is what I call the after picture and I am the before. I weigh a lot more than her now and everyone can tell us apart but some people still mix us up because they can't remember who is who. She looks older because she is wrinkled and since I am still fat I don't have the wrinkles. I am 5 minutes older than her. So it is hard to be an individual when others want to lump you together. Once more I run on and on guess I have to admit that I am a big mouth.

[janie mae]

No, Faye,
You are not being a big mouth, just being you. Wouldn't you rather lose weight the old fashioned way than thru the gastric bypass? If Kaye eats too much she can stretch her stomach out & gain weight again. Is she having trouble with all the extra skin? Most insurances won't pay for gastric bypass because it isn't that safe & because they consider removal of the excess skin after as cosmetic surgery. (I worked at Blue Cross 7 yrs). Kaye will have to be really careful about what she eats & how much for the rest of her life. Not much fun.
Hugs, Jane

[twinfaye]

Yes, you are right again!! Scary!!! She has a huge problem with hanging skin. We both have insurance through BCBS and they will only pay if you are having a problem of infection under the folds. I have lost 37 1/2 lbs but I still have a ways to go to get to her weight but you are right I don't want the surgery. She has thrown up at least 7 out of 10 days for 3 years. YUCK!!! She really can't eat too much since she has to throw up when she does. Sweets and bread are her killers so she has reduced her intake drastically. You are so smart, I have always talked a lot and on here I just write and write. hugs

[Landon]

My mother was like that, nothing was ever good enough no matter how much work, time, money involved.

I finally stopped chasing her never good enough insane expectations and began to chase my own. I am much happier now. Did you know that you can chase other's insane expectations even though you aren't around them anymore? Geography really doesn't make it ok because what is in your head goes with you anywhere you go.

[twinfaye]

Mother was never like this before the dementia. She had a huge circle of friends and loved getting together but now she doesn't want to see anyone and won't call anyone since they should call her. UGH!!

[Landon]

I am so sorry she has dementia, Faye!! And I am glad to hear she wasn't like that before.

[janie mae]

Faye,
I hate to hear your mother has dementia. It will get worse. My grandma got to where she didn't know where her bedroom or bathroom was in the house where she had lived for more than 50 yrs. Then she got afraid of water & wuldn't take a bath or allow herself to be bathed. I guess the worst was when she didn't know family members. We had always been really close, she'd been the one person I could always I could always count on. Then she didn't who I was. My father was her middle child, her favorite. After he passed away, her heart hurt so much. She left all the farm to my aunt & uncle instead. I thought she'd take daddy's share & divide it between his daughters. She knew I want to move back to BAMA. This would have helped me. She would be reeling if she knew my uncle is fooling around with his step daughter & his steps will more likely inherit thann his own sons. I believe her dementia had already set in when they talked her into signing over the land before she died. They had her scared that the State would get it for fees if it wasn't done within a certain time frame before she died. There's lots more I could fuss about but I believe in karma, good & bad. Those 2 will get everything that they have coming, & more.
Hugs, Jane

[twinfaye]

We saw the dementia getting worse so when I bought her house and she moved into Kaye's we split the proceeds of the house with her and the three daughters. It was a good plan since we had to put her in the assisted living place and she would have lost all the money from the house if we hadn't been involved. She has assistance for the payment for the place and we didn't have to loose all the money. The sale had to be done five years before she qualified for assistance. She still knows us but she forgets what she did that day or what she said. My grandmother died of breast cancer and she didn't recognise anyone at the end. I hope Mama doesn't live that long. It would be heart breaking.

[BarbySue]

Landon, I know what you mean. My older brother was my mother's favorite and after he died at the age of 29 nothing I did was ever go enough. It was hard to live up to this "perfect" son of hers. When we all know no one is perfect. I got tired of all the negativity, mean, cruel things she would do and say and it has been a little over 5 years since I have spoken to her and I have to say my life is so much more peaceful now. She would never go to grief counceling but then again she seems to enjoy being miserable. There are people like that, those who have to have chaos in their lives on a weekly or daily basis. She is just like that. I can't handle that. I need peace and quiet no made up drama. So my family consists of those I choose to be in it not those I was born in to. Life is much simpler that way. It may be awful to some people who I can cut people out of my life but it has sure made a difference in my sanity.

[twinfaye]

Nobody should judge anothers decision until they have been there. Some of the family members were mad that we put Mama in the assisted living place but those same people didn't call or visit Mama had never asked her to their home or taken her anywhere. It is easy to say what you would do but much harder to live it. I have limited contact with my older sister because she is so sensitive that you hurt her feelings and she gets mad and you never even knew you had done something. She stopped speaking to me for 3 years because I said her sons ears stick out like an uncle of ours! So you live the life you have been given as you want and no one should have anything to say about it.