Need more prayers

[amanda]

How are you doing? I hope and pray things are somewhat or hopefully a lot better! Will be keeping you both in my prayers! LOVE YOUR FRIEND MANDA!

[Trude]

I will add you to my prayer list. It is a disgrace how people forget how to treat older people/.

[Joyannerose]

One other suggestion. How about asking your pastor if any church members can help you, not just pray for you. I apologize but I don't remember what your husband's condition/illness is. If he's at all eligible for hospice, you get a little more help than on regular Medicare. And you don't have to be on the brink of death. Just have a terminal illness, which many are, if it's something they will have the rest of their lives. It might be worth checking into.

Now I'm really hoping everyone's prayers and suggestions will give you the help you need. However, having taken care of my Grandparents and Parents, and seeing how my patients coped with this situation, I can speak from experience. You can NOT do it all yourself. As much as you may want to keep him home with you, it may not be possible. And that's ok too. If you aren't rich, or have lots of family and friends that are willing or able to help on a consistent basis, you just may not be able to provide the proper care. And you certainly can't loose your own health in the process.

We had to put my Grandfather in a nursing home for a short time before he passed. We hated it, but it was necessary at that time, for his condition. But my Grandmother went to see him every day. I'd go in, and if he hadn't had his wounds tended to, I'd go get the stuff from the nurse, and do it myself rather than wait til they could get to him. Sadly to say, but frequent visits or even a tip to his main caregiver assures better care.

But there are also many wonderful people working in Nursing Homes, and Rehab Centers. I know he was in one, and you were both so thrilled to have him home. But you tried, and if you just can't take care of him and yourself properly, there is no shame in placing a loved one in a nursing home. I just want you to remember you have that option if it's too much for you. And you shouldn't blame yourself, or feel like a failure if you need to do that.

I hope I didn't upset you with my post. I mean this in the kindest, most loving way. Certainly, I am praying for an angel to come help you, as I know that is your first choice. Oh, I was wondering, have the nurses aides, etc. shown you the easiest way to do things for him. If not, ask. They are usually happy to show you tricks of the trade.

Best of luck and love.
Joy Ann

[twinfaye]

Meerkat, bring him to TN to put him in a nursing home. I don't want you trapped there by placing him in one there. Love and hugs

[MeerKat]

Thanks everyone. I wish I could say things are better but there not. I am at my wits end and noway out, he is so demanding and he just isn't enough in his right mind to do anything. I feel like a shrew anymore it is hard for me to have patience with him when he does such silly things, he will ask me to straighten his lapghan, are pull is shirt down. I finally lost it yesterday and told him it was his legs that don't work not his hands. But it doesn't do any good. It is easier to take care of a toddler than him.
The biggest problem is he refuses to even try, I believe it has to be his mind, but when you are doing everything you can to help and he accuses you of being mean, it hurts your feelings..
Incase anyone doesn't know my husband broke his back years ago and steadily got worse he has a colostomy bag plus has a urine bag. Then a year and a half ago he broke his hip and that put an end to his walking. He is in to much pain. he was in a nursing home for 1 1/2 years and got use to not doing anything.

[Lili]

Oh, Janice, do not feel bad. He is like a child and testing you over and over again. I am sure he is not quite right in his mind. Hopefully the help will come tomorrow and you can get a tiny break. It sounds like you are going to seriously need to think about his going back to the nursing home. Is there space for him there now? Love, Shirley

[MeerKat]

They told me I could bring him back anytime, but I feel like a failure.

[Lili]

Sweetie: Do not ever feel like a failure! Most would just take someone to the nursing home and leave them, and never look back, and you have not done that at all. Like you say, he needs 24 hour care and you are not able to do that. It is too hard on you mentally and physically. Hopefully you will get feedback tomorrow from the girls who come out to help. I don't want you to have a heart attack or stroke, or hurt yourself badly if you try to lift/move him. Does he take care of his bags himself?

Praying for a miracle every minute. Love, Shirley

[twinfaye]

Honey, you are not a failure!! He has failed you! He is either not trying or his mind has gone back to his childhood. Either way you need to find a nursing home in TN and then move there. Your daughter could look after him until you can get moved. I know all of this is overwhelming but you can do it!! I know in TN that there are people that can come into the home and help with him. Mama has someone come once a week and she helps with a shower and changes her bed and even changes Kaye's bed and cleans her house a little. Mama doesn't need more help than that but they also have respite care where they come to her home and sit with here up to 3 days so Kaye can get out of the house. They can do 24 hour care but Mama doesn't need anyone at night. I know these services are available here. hugs

[Susan2014]

MeerKat see I told you we love and miss you. Your situation is the hadest thing you;ll have to do, dont wait till it gets you down xxoo
Thought my PM last night was nosy & inappropiate?? .... NOT WAS IT?.... Im not alone & hope we'll be Friends ForEver. God is
Listening he is a little slow like me haha. )) HUGS (( I Care For you BOTH SMJ