Beware Online Dating

[Pixieglitter]

Hey y'all,

I just wanted to post a thread about the dangers of online dating. I've dated online for several years now and haven't really run into many issues. I've tried to be as smart as I can about it. I meet them in a public place and I used to always tell a friend where I was going and who I was meeting. I've gotten lazy over the years and I stopped telling a friend I was meeting someone new.

Well.... I met a guy who I really liked a lot. We'd been talking on the phone for 2 months. He lives in my city and we had just about everything in common. We really hit it off! I met him in person and we went out a few times. I just went out with him again 3 days ago and had a great time, as usual. And it was the next day that I ran across something online about him....

This guy has been arrested 11 times!!!!!!!!!!! At least there are 11 different mugshots posted online, he may have been arrested even more than that. All of the times he was arrested it was for theft... breaking into vehicles and stealing items... wallets, watches, cell phones etc. He's been arrested several times for using stolen credit cards. I don't think he's ever been arrested for any kind of violent crimes.

He would travel around to health and fitness clubs. He'd break into lockers and steal keys and then open vehicles in the parking lot while people were inside working out. Then he'd sell the items on eBay. All of his 11 arrests have been over the past 3 years. I highly suspect he's been stealing for many many years, since he's 54 years old (I'm 51).

This scares me to death!!!!! It's so shocking to me. I can tell you the next time I date someone I'll know their full name and I'll definitely do a background check on them.

If you or anyone you know does online dating, PLEASE tell them to be careful!!!!! You really don't know who you might be meeting.

Shelley

[Pixieglitter]

Hey Krys,

I do all those things you mentioned. I never respond to anyone who doesn't live close to me, even an hour away is too far for me. I never meet anyone I haven't talked to on the phone several times. The first meeting is always a short one like for coffee or lunch. I don't tell them my last name or where I live. I'm always very vague about specific information about myself.

Even being as careful as I possibly could be.... I still ended up dating a guy with an extensive criminal record!!!! And it's scary!!!! Some guys are just very good at hiding who they really are. I even introduced this guy to my friends!!

I've been divorced for 20 years, since I was 31. And I've dated a LOT of guys over the years. I've had a lot of practice and I'm a pretty good judge of character. That's why this is so shocking to me!

Shelley

[Polishgirl]

Shelley,
About those criminal records.. You would need to know someone who works for police station in your state tobe able to check that. My daughter works for police station, but unfortunately for me she lives in WI state and I live in IL.

On the other hand sometimes you can know that person for a very long time but you will not know their "dark side". Because they make sure that no one will find out about that. I remember that story about that guy name: Gacy or something like that. That guy was very well known by many people in "high places" and MANY friends. He even had a photo taken with our Mayor of IL shaking hands with him! LOL. He was a very well know contractor. And what do you know?. He was a serial keller. He was killing and burying young guys in his basement and covering them with cement. Once that came out, no one that knew him could believe that!. That was a shock to all of his long time friends!.

I do remember reading about some one else. He was happily married for many years, with children, huge house, very educated. He was going to gay bars and killing those guys and burying them in his back yard. He was doing that for many years. His wife could not believe that!!.

Unfortunately there is many sick and crazy people around.
So, be careful. But sometimes that isn't enough either.
Krys..
PS: I did meet a couple very nice guys on Internet. At least that is what I think they are! LOL

[LI Roe]

Wow, I haven't done online dating but have been married twice (divorced first hubby and then second husband passed away) and other than answering personal ads in the local paper after my divorce (back in 1981) but while the guys were nice, we just didn't click. Anyone I have dated, I have met through friends or when I was attending some classes at night college in between marriages. Two and a half years ago, I broke up with someone I had dated for several years (actually he was my late husbands boss) and right now am concentrating on getting my house done so I can prepare to eventually move. While I am not looking to get married again, it would be nice to go out with someone again (and not live in my house either, too used to living alone and doing what I want). Plus right now there is no closet space for anyone else's stuff but mine. LOL. When I am ready, it will happen to meet someone again, that is what happened in the past, when I least expected it.

Anyway, one of the gals who worked at my moms' facility for Alzheimers, met this guy on Match.com, they were married in 2012 and just had their first little baby boy this year. Hers worked out. Then another gal, who also worked at my moms' facility, met a guy online. I believe on one of those senior online dating sites and it has been three years for them and so far, things seem to be good. You never know. Another girl I know went on Match.com and they ended up matching her with her cousin, she said no way and didn't go back on it. My good friend also went on Match.com and they matched her with her ex-boyfriend who had broken up with her.

While online sites afford a more broader span of people to meet, it also widens the nut job pool. No matter who you meet, you have to be cautious and go with your gut feeling. Unfortunately, there are guys out there who are very good at concealing their past.

Good luck, though.

Roe

[MeerKat]

There is no way I would ever date someone I met online, heard to many weird stories. But am to old to marry anyway and definattely wouldn't even if I wasn't to old. A lady I knew married a man she met online, and she now has two children and is miserable, he is very controling. She had a great relationship with her family now she doesn't even speak with them. They don't like her husband. That was enough for me to know I wouldn't want to date someone from online.

[MeerKat]

Most people that meet online don't usually date long, and I agree most marraiges don't work out, but she only knew this guy a short time, he was from Utah and she was from California. She just didn't know him long enough since they were from different states. I just wouldn't take that extra chance. But that is just my opinion.

[Mary Laposta]

Oh my Shelly. What a horrific thing to find out! I am glad you're safe and found out before you had financial theft or anything bad happen to you. I don't feel well enough to be dating, but still hope sometime in future will be well enough. Thanks for sharing your story. I hope you meet that special someone who is out there. xo
Mary

[sonnetta]

I agree. Online dating you need to be very cautious. I met a few just for coffee but they did not last long. But I also met the man I am with now online and we have been together for almost 5 years. He treats me so special, takes care of me, helps me, and as for my family he loves them just like his own. He is the most wonderful man I ever met. He always asks if I am ok. My grandkids love him. When my 7 year old comes and stays he lets him help him do things, he does things with him and he is always worried about my kids just as he does me. My ex husband I did not meet online yet my marriage was horrible. He all had us fooled. When we dated he was so good to me, he was kind. After 9 months we were married and that is when everything started. He was controlling, mentally abused me and when the kids came along he hardly paid any attention to them. He cheated on me 4 times but the only one I knew about was the 4th one. I didn't learn about the 3rd one until her husband calledand told me to tell my husband to leave his wife alone or he would kill him. The other 2 I found out through a friend. I was just devastated. I left him and was divorced almost 10 years before meeting the man I am with. I regret my mistake the first time and this time I was very careful. I was not going to rush into anything and now I am engaged to him. So either way it can either work out or not. You have to be so careful no matter how you meet.

[Poinciana]

Fascinating thread, gals! This the first time I've seen candid comments about dating online. I never have done so, being very much married to my soulmate. I don't even know anyone who has met people online for dating. So, your comments are interesting and even fun! It's really a great topic and the warnings are well worth posting.

I do have a parallel tale to tell, though. I met a man once, though not for dating. He was a fellow I had chatted with online with reference to a military organization. During one of our chats he said he was going to be in my area and suggested meeting for lunch. I agreed and suggested a restaurant where I was a frequent diner. Ahead of time I dropped by there and spoke with the manager and the maitre'd and told them I would be meeting a guy I knew from online, told them the guy's name, etc. So they said they would keep an eye out. And the day of the lunch meeting I took my sister with me, LOL! Anyway, he was okay and remained so until he asked in a somewhat snotty way... "Who's she really? The FBI?" Needless to say lunch was over quickly, we said our goodbyes and I never chatted with him again. I've wondered what his true intentions were! It was just something unsettling about the way he asked that.

[Keaelsa]

I have had my share too, but learned my lessons well. I don't want to meet anyone online again. I could fill this page up too.
All I would add is to just be careful on who you give your info out to.