typing good for the soul?

[Tigg]

Hi Everyone

I once heard talking is good for the soul....so I am hoping typing will do the same thing..the only difference is when you type you aren't interrupted by questions or distracted...So I am going to start typing till 1) I run out of room to type 2) or I run out of things to type about, that I don't see happening....It was once said if it wasn't for bad luck I wouldn't have any luck what so ever...and believe me I find that to be very true this week....last week was even worse....

Last week my mom passed away at the age of 83. We all know when your parents get up there in age you know it is going to happen sooner or later but if you like me, you hope it is later. Since Nov of last yr mom has not been doing well but still it was a shock for us to lose her. What I try to understand is why did the hospital send her to a rehab center for physical therapy, when medicare stopped paying after 22 days my sister had to come out of pocket for an additional $1400 once the rehab center learned that my sister wanted to take mom home they said...physical therapy wasn't showing any improvement so we are going to send her home on hospice comfort care...my mom could have been home that whole month she was in the rehab center with her family.

Mom had 9 children, her oldest son (my brother) passed away 12 yrs ago today. Her second youngest daughter (my sister) flatly refused to have anything to do with the family for the past 7 yrs, last week my older sister and I thought we should let her know that mom wasn't doing well, so we sent the police to her house in AL, that night I received an email from my brother in law stating that my sister was not going to respond to any messages delivered by the police or anyone for that matter, she assumes the message was about her mother and she did not want anything to do with her. It is mind boggling, I do not understand why anyone can be so cold hearted. I do not even know the reasoning behind my sister's decision. My mom was a wonderful woman, she raised her children practically by herself, my dad died when I was 8 yrs old and mom was 36 yrs old.

After celebrating mom's life at the funeral home, my second oldest brother decided he had to leave right than and there before he said his final good byes.....

This past Monday we laid mom to rest.......my life will never be the same. I always tried to call her everyday, at the end of our phone conversation she would say...I love you a bushel and a peck and five rings around your neck.....I always thought she meant 5 rings cause my daughter, the twins, and my neice moved in with me, and myself, come to find out she said that to all my brothers and sister's.....

My 4 sisters, my daughter, 3 neices and I are going to get a remberance 5 ring tattoo on the back of our necks......

My sister and mom shared an apt together, they helped each other. With mom gone I couldn't see my sister living there by herself, she tried to get a smaller apt but it wasn't much cheaper, so my daughter and the twins will be staying with her till the end of Jan helping her pack up mom's stuff and moving my sister in with us.

When I got home from the funeral, I found that my water was turned off. It has been a hard yr when my daughter was on complete bedrest when she was pregnant with the twins, it was like robbing peter to pay paul. What bill do you pay? Rent? Water? Gas? Electric? Cause the water bill came every 3 months it was the bill that did not get paid.....

When mom started getting sick in Nov, I went to visit her as often as I could, which meant that I didn't work to much, and in Dec I couldn't pay rent and told my landlord that I was going to be late and needed some time. I did manage to pay Jan rent but this morning there was a knock on the door from a court bailiff with a court summons to appear in court for a money judgement and his rental property. When I called him he said if he received the money by the 29th all will be well......

I don't know how much more I can deal with.....Grandma used to say, God doesn't give us more then we can carry.....but my load is getting a little to heavy....on top of all this ...my boyfriend has been fighting cancer since last July, he has one more spinal chemo treatment to go thru and then he goes thru another test or two to see if the radiation, chemo and spinal chemo has worked...

I try to be a good person, I treat people the way I would want to be treated. No, I am not going to ask....why me.....I had a friend that once said, there is always someone out there that has it worse then you do.....so God please bless that person that is worse off then I am....

I am not sure if it helped to let out all my feelings thru typing.....maybe I should have been interrupted or distracted...

Thank you for letting me feel at least a little better..

Tigg

[mamamiaow]

oh, tigg, i feel for you! the family stuff can break your heart like no other stuff. i have a son who will no longer speak to us, he and his wife live 4 hrs away, and today is his birthday. they lost a child during the 17th week of pregnancy last spring, and cut off the whole family since then, we don't get it. my dd's mother in law said there was a similar thing in her family, and she didn't see her brother for 30 years!! she said 30 years went by really fast. i had breast cancer 3 yrs ago, and who knows how long any one of us has left, only the lord, and dd sent a message to her brother saying as much today (he cut the rest of us off from facebook and won't answer phone, text or e-mails). i pray for peace for you, you were a good daughter, and i try and help my family and others, too, and dh and i know all about robbing peter to pay paul, it's a way of life here! i will keep you and your family in my prayers. i know that god doesn't give us more than we can handle, but i think he has me confused with some really strong woman!

[Landon]

I believe that people do the best they can with what they have to work with. If they shut down, they are finding themselves in a situation that is beyond their coping skills and distancing themselves is an attempt to manage their anxiety.

I am truly sorry to hear of all your troubles on top of your mom, Tigg. If there is anything I can do, please don't hesitate to let me know.
I journal, have for ages, it really helps me get my thoughts down on paper where I can get a good look at them or sometimes to get them off my chest.

Warm hugs and kisses to you, babes............

[Tigg]

Thank you, it means a lot when someone can say "I understand" and REALLY does.... we no longer consider the second youngest daughter a sister or any part of the family...the night before my mom passed, the sister that was taking care of her, had to say.....Mom, Grace called she said she loves you and if you have to leave before she can get here it is ok....the next morning my mom was gone...we all believe she tried to hang on till she heard from Grace...

[dayco463]

Tigg, prayers are going out to you and your family. I know how it is to lose a parent, my dad died in 2002 at the age of 69. He had been suffering since 1975. He spent the last 10 yrs of his life in a nursing home. God bless you!!!

[Barbara G.]

Tigg,

All I can say is to get through one hour at a time. You HAVE to be sure you are taking care of yourself. I lost my dad a couple of years ago and it is hard. But, it will get a little easier as time passes. I still miss my dad and I know that you will definitely still miss your mom.

We are thinking about you and wished we were closer to you to give you the (((((((hugs))))))) you need right now.