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  1. #21

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    Jul 2017
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    I was born in West Virginia and I live in Kentucky and I'm half Native American Blackfoot
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    hello Miss Jean thank you very much for your response I truly and greatly appreciate it I'm not doing too well this is the third time I've had cancer and my father died of it my mother died of it I've got 7 uncle that died of it for aunt died. But my daughters had it I've had it twice before someone my brothers have had it my son has had it so you can see it's rather uh I guess a genetic flaw I've had cancer twice before managed to beat it they actually put me on hospice 5 years ago but I didn't give in so now this past January they just found out I'm in stage 4 lymphoma melanoma my goal is to crochet my loved ones one more thing to remember me by hope to get it all done by Christmas I've been on chemo since January I'll have to be on at the rest of my life because like I said it's lymphoma and stage 4 metastatic malignant mucosal melanoma they told me I'll be on chemo the rest of my life they had to stop at for about a month now because now like I said I'm going to kidney failure and they just told me this morning I've got pneumonia they're admitting me tomorrow in to the hospital crocheting helps me keep it off of my mind it's something I love to do and it gives other people joy in fact the little book I'd built since I've been sick this time it says Reese's recovery one stitch of the time crocheting happiness God bless you and thank you for all the advice and ideas I'm scared I go into the hospital in the morning I don't want to do it tonight because my husband's out of town and I don't want him freaking out when he walks in and I'm not here God bless you and have a wonderful evening

  2. #22

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    May 2017
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    It literally breaks my heart reading our post. I was there for my mother and my grandmother both. I just barely met my father when he died. But he was murdered. Everyone like I said on both sides of my family except for 6 people have died from cancer. Its such a heartless disease. I feel for anyone who has to suffer through it. In 1995 on Dec 2nd my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer. The Drs said it was a slow moving cancer and at the minimum she had 6 months. When I was 12 I ran away and began living with my grandmother. I told her at the age of 12 I felt it was very unfair for her to have to raise her grandchild since she already raised her children. That my only way of paying back her generosity by taking me in was that when she reached a stage in her life when she could not care for herself that no matter where I was and no matter what I was doing I would bring her to my home and devote my full time care to her. When she was diagnosed I spoke to her Dr and since I lived 2 hours away from her I & her Dr arranged everything that she needed to be set up in her bedroom in my home. At that time my son was 14 and had just gotten his own room for the first time. He gave up his room for his great grandmother so she would have her own room. She was diagnosed Dec 2nd. On Dec 18th my children came and asked if they could give grandma her Christmas presents because she wasn't feeling good. My grandmother told me repeatedly that she refused to die before Christmas because she didn't want to ruin Christmas for the children. That same day after the kids gave her her gifts, I talked her into letting my husband take pictures of her with our matching Santa hats on. And she allowed me to take some pictures of her. She despised having her picture done. I told her what better gift can you give to our family members than a picture of her. That's the only reason she let me take those pictures. We had a leather strap of Christmas bells attached to her bed in case we were at the front of the house and couldn't hear her. Her bedroom was right next to my bedroom. At 6:30 a.m. the following morning on Dec 19th she rang her bells. I and my husband ran to her. She looked at me and asked me to please teach her how to pray because she didn't know how. I told her I would pray with her and she could repeat after me. My husband had just received the highest degree of the priesthood in our church which allowed him to perform blessing using blessed oil and prayer for the sick or afflicted. Normally there are 2 men to do a blessing. I told him after her prayer I wanted him to give her a blessing immediately. He tried to say he couldn't because he needed a companion. I told him something just didn't feel right and I was positive God would understand. So he got his blessed oil and placed it on her head. Then he gave her a blessing. He took our grandson and went back to bed. I stayed with my grandmother. I brushed her hair n.a.co from her face. When I did that she somehow looked different. More at peace and relaxed. I tried finding her pulse and I count find one. That didn't concern me because I've never been good at finding a pulse. I got my husband and had him look for her pulse. He tried then he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said Of My God I killed her. Her greatest fear was when she died shed be alone. I told him no you gave her exactly what she needed. You held her hand and literally walked her into her parents loving arms. He told me he would never give anyone another blessing because he didn't want to kill them. After all these years he still believes he killed her and has never given anyone another blessing. I guess when my children gave her their Christmas presents she thought it was Christmas. And felt that she could let go and join her family. She asked me several times why her father, mother, my mother, her brother, and her son were in her room. She could see them. So clearly down to the missing button on her brothers navy dress blues that he was buried in. One day about a week before her death she frantically told me I needed to get a needle and dark blue thread. I asked her why. She said she was in a hurry she had to fix Paul's uniform. Now I have no idea if you are a religious person or not. I don't know if sharing my grandmothers story with you had eased your fears about the next life to come. I can only hope that it may ease any fears or whatever you are feeling. I felt that I needed to share this with you because you may need it. Its not often I get these feelings. But the last time I got this strong sense of this feeling I ignored it and thought it was silly. Until after 3 days I followed through to check on a lady from our church. She was confined to a wheelchair. After 3 days and nights of having this strong urge to check on her I finally did. When I arrived at her home I found her on the floor out of her wheelchair where she had been for 3 days. I now listen to these printings. As I said I had a strong urge to share my grandmothers story with you. I can only pray that it helps you to know you will never be alone and there is another life, after our physical life. I can testify to you that without knowing your family that those who have passed on before you are waiting with all the love and arms opened wide to embrace you. And I'm positive that your mother is waiting very anxiously to meet and hold the daughter she only knew for a short time.
    I WANT YOU TO FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME WHENEVER YOU FEEL A NEED TO TALK OR JUST NEED TO VENT. I AM HERE FOR YOU. IN MIND, BODY & SPIRIT. ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT. I DONT CARE WHAT TIME OF DAY OR NIGHT. IF YOU NEED ME I AM HERE. PLEASE CONTACT ME ON MESSENGER OR FACEBOOK AND I WILL SEND YOU MY PHONE NUMBER. MY PRAYERS AND THOUGHTS ARE WITH YOU ALWAYS. JUST TO LET YOU KNOW AFTER ALL THESE YEARS I STILL FEEL MY GRANDMOTHER NEAR ME AND I KNOW HER SPIRIT IS WITH ME.
    I feel terrible about your daughter. I believe that she could just be hurting so much at the thought of losing you that she's displaying it in anger. She just cannot accept the fact that you did not make a choice to get this terrible disease again. It chose you, not you choosing it. I urge you strongly as well as your crocheting please do what you can in your family history. That is a strong link to your family's past and where they come from. If you cannot do this get a notebook and try your best to write your feeling and how much you love your family. They need to know what you are feeling and thinking. If you cannot do this yourself you can text me and I will print it out for you and provide me with your families addresses and I will mail your words to your family. It would be an honor to help you. Please keep in contact with me. Its a real joy being in contact with you. SINCERELY KATHLEEN FREEMAN.

  3. #23

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    May 2017
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    It literally breaks my heart reading our post. I was there for my mother and my grandmother both. I just barely met my father when he died. But he was murdered. Everyone like I said on both sides of my family except for 6 people have died from cancer. Its such a heartless disease. I feel for anyone who has to suffer through it. In 1995 on Dec 2nd my grandmother was diagnosed with cancer. The Drs said it was a slow moving cancer and at the minimum she had 6 months. When I was 12 I ran away and began living with my grandmother. I told her at the age of 12 I felt it was very unfair for her to have to raise her grandchild since she already raised her children. That my only way of paying back her generosity by taking me in was that when she reached a stage in her life when she could not care for herself that no matter where I was and no matter what I was doing I would bring her to my home and devote my full time care to her. My grandmother told me not to make a promise that I may not be able to keep. I told her the only way I wouldn't keep that promise was if I had died. When she was diagnosed I spoke to her Dr and since I lived 2 hours away from her I & her Dr arranged everything that she needed to be set up in her bedroom in my home. At that time my son was 14 and had just gotten his own room for the first time. He gave up his room for his great grandmother so she would have her own room. She was diagnosed Dec 2nd. On Dec 18th my children came and asked if they could give grandma her Christmas presents because she wasn't feeling good. They wanted to make her feel better and make her happy. My grandmother told me repeatedly that she refused to die before Christmas because she didn't want to ruin Christmas for the children. That same day after the kids gave her her gifts, I talked her into letting my husband take pictures of her & I with our matching Santa hats on. And she allowed me to take some pictures of her. She despised having her picture done. I told her what better gift can you give to our family members than a picture of her. That's the only reason she let me take those pictures. We had a leather strap of Christmas bells attached to her bed in case we were at the front of the house and couldn't hear her. To this day I still hang those same bells on my front door with a wreath every Christmas season.Her bedroom was right next to my bedroom. At 6:30 a.m. the following morning on Dec 19th she rang her bells. I and my husband ran to her. She looked at me and asked me to please teach her how to pray because she didn't know how. I told her I would pray with her and she could repeat after me. My husband had just received the highest degree of the priesthood in our church which allowed him to perform blessings using blessed oil and prayer for the sick or afflicted. Normally there are 2 men to do a blessing. I told him after her prayer I wanted him to give her a blessing immediately. He tried to say he couldn't because he needed a companion. I told him something just didn't feel right and I was positive God would understand. So he got his blessed oil and placed it on her head. Then he gave her a blessing. He took our grandson and went back to bed. I stayed with my grandmother. I brushed her hair back from her face. When I did that she somehow looked different. More at peace and relaxed. I tried finding her pulse and I couldn't find one. That didn't concern me because I've never been good at finding a pulse. I got my husband and had him look for her pulse. He tried then he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said Of My God I killed her. Her greatest fear was when she died she'd be alone. I told him no you gave her exactly what she needed. You held her hand and literally walked her into her parents loving arms. He told me he would never give anyone another blessing because he didn't want to kill them. After all these years he still believes he killed her and has never given anyone another blessing. I guess when my children gave her their Christmas presents she thought it was Christmas. And felt that she could let go and join her family. She asked me several times why her father, mother, my mother, her brother, and her son were in her room. I explained to her to let her know she wasn't alone and that they were waiting to embrace her again. She could see them. So clearly down to the missing button on her brothers navy dress blues that he was buried in. One day about a week before her death she frantically told me I needed to get a needle and dark blue thread. I asked her why. She said she was in a hurry she had to fix Paul's uniform. Now I have no idea if you are a religious person or not. I don't know if sharing my grandmothers story with you had eased your fears about the next life to come. I can only hope that it may ease any fears or whatever you are feeling. I felt that I needed to share this with you because you may need it. Its not often I get these feelings. But the last time I got this strong sense of this feeling I ignored it and thought it was silly. Until after 3 days I followed through to check on a lady from our church. She was confined to a wheelchair. After 3 days and nights of having this strong urge to check on her I finally did. When I arrived at her home I found her on the floor out of her wheelchair where she had been for 3 days. I now listen to these promptings. As I said I had a strong urge to share my grandmothers story with you. I can only pray that it helps you to know you will never be alone and there is another life, after our physical life. I can testify to you that without knowing your family that those who have passed on before you are waiting with all the love and arms opened wide to embrace you. And I'm positive that your mother is waiting very anxiously to meet and hold the daughter she only knew for a short time.
    I WANT YOU TO FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME WHENEVER YOU FEEL A NEED TO TALK OR JUST NEED TO VENT. I AM HERE FOR YOU. IN MIND, BODY & SPIRIT. ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT. I DONT CARE WHAT TIME OF DAY OR NIGHT. IF YOU NEED ME I AM HERE. PLEASE CONTACT ME ON MESSENGER OR FACEBOOK AND I WILL SEND YOU MY PHONE NUMBER. MY PRAYERS AND THOUGHTS ARE WITH YOU ALWAYS. JUST TO LET YOU KNOW AFTER ALL THESE YEARS I STILL FEEL MY GRANDMOTHER NEAR ME AND I KNOW HER SPIRIT IS WITH ME. I still feel the strong urge to call her when something new or exciting happens in our family. Its not until after I have my phone in my hand and begin dialing her phone # that I realize I can't reach her by phone but I know she is still watching from above and enjoying whatever just the same as we are.
    I feel terrible about your daughter. I believe that she could just be hurting so much at the thought of losing you that she's displaying it in anger. She just cannot accept the fact that you did not make a choice to get this terrible disease again. It chose you, not you choosing it. I urge you strongly as well as your crocheting please do what you can in your family history. That is a strong link to your family's past and where they come from. If you cannot do this get a notebook and try your best to write your feeling and how much you love your family, as well as your memories of raising your children and the love you shared with your husband. They need to see your life when you were well and all the memories that you still have. The loving memories, the funny memories and even the memories of silly things. Those thoughts of yours will become very important to them in the future. And someday your grandchildren are going to want to know their grandma and what she was like when she was young and when you were their age. Those memories of yours will become the most cherished part of their minds forever.. They need to know what you are feeling and thinking. If you cannot do this yourself you can text me and I will print it out for you and provide me with your families addresses and I will mail your words to your family. It would be an honor to help you. Please keep in contact with me. Its a real joy being in contact with you. You mentioned you live in Texas, my daughter, grand daughters and great grandchildren also live there. In the Houston area. My daughter lives in Highlands. I really miss seeing them. Its been 5 years or abouts that time since I last saw them. Now I have a new great granddaughter I want to see so much. But I just can't. I'm raising 4 grandchildren at home and 1 in a group home. I don't have anyone to care for these kids. SINCERELY KATHLEEN FREEMAN.
    Last edited by Mom to all; 08-13-2017 at 07:21 PM.

  4. #24

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    Feb 2015
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    Belleville michigan
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    Morrissa,

    I am praying for you too. I know this has to be the hardest time of all. I don't have cancer well as well as I know I don't. in 2014-2016 all I did was run to doctors and tests. I was vomiting stomack acid and I lost 60 lbs I was down to 89 lbs and didn't realize how sick I was at the time till a grandson took a picture of me. I had to have a second surgery for a ahitial hernia which came undone. I recovered from that and started eating again but the doctors never did figure out what caused my gag reflix to go wacko in the first place they were checking me from head to toe for cancer but to this day have never found any. I just got over all that and then I thought I was having panic attacks I have coughed really bad for over 30 yr and doctors told me I had asthema. Turns out I didn't have Asthema I have congestive heart failure. I was in the hosp a week they pumped 15 lbs of fluid off me and I quit coughing. I also am disabled I was born with cerebral palsey. I am not telling you all this to make anyone feel sorry for me I am telling this because I sympthaize with you everyone has some kinda problem in this world and with gods help we make it through. I am praying for you. if you ever wanna talk you can find me on here and I can give you my email address if you send me a private message. My prayers are with you and your family.

    Where are you at in Ky my parents are both from southeastern Ky Magoffin co Salyersville. I live in Michigan my mom and dad came to Michigan so my dad wouldn't have to work in the coal mines.

    prayers Barb

  5. #25

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    Feb 2015
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    Kathleen ,

    you are truly one of a kind woman. I loved your note to Marissa . You had some awesome ideas for her and you truly seem to care about what happens to her and others that are sick. I wish all families did what you've done from your heart and soul. There are few that keep family members when they are sick or dying. My aunt took care of both of her parents my grandmother and father before they died. But most get stuck in nursing homes I have been in two so far recovering from either surgery or illness they are not a fun place to be. I was born with cerebral palsey and I've walked the hills and valleys of life and know how rough life can be. I thank you for taking the time to try and help Moressa.

  6. #26

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    Thank you. But I honestly feel that many people loose sight of what others feel. I took care of my mother for over a year while I was pregnant and supposed to be on complete bedrest. I drove my mother to and from San Francisco ( 90 min each way) during her bout with cancer. My mother and I never had s relationship. I recall as a small child only wanting my mother to love me. It wasn't until I was 28 when I began had a somewhat decent relationship with her. I am very a pro family person. Like I stated in my letter to Morrissa I ran away from my mother at the age of 12. I called my grandmother to say goodbye. I was 2 when my mother was made aware that I was being molested and by age 12 I became brave enough to leave. Not once did my mother ever try to stop these men. Mainly it was her different boyfriends, 2 of my uncles and a neighbor I babysat for. At age 22 I came home from babysitting next door beaten, bloodied with torn clothing and told my mother the neighbor tried raping me. Instead of calling the police she beat me with clothes hangers to where blood ran down my legs telling me I lead him on and I was trying to seduce him. The last straw for me was when her boyfriend beat me up and I called her at work to tell her and before I could even complete what happened she told me that if he hit me I deserved it and she hung up on me. I left that night while he was still at our house leaving my 5 & 3 year old brothers with him. I called my grandmother to tell her goodbye and she told me to call a taxi and come to her house. I did. I was at my grandmothers for 2 weeks before my mother ever knew I was gone. My mother thought I was mad at her and hiding in the walk in closet. Which only met that my 5& 3 yr old brothers were left alone from 3 in the afternoon until what ever time she decided to come home. She was a bartender.
    I've been told by many people I need to get into counseling to cope with my childhood. I've told them there is nothing to cope with. It happened, its the past, and I can't change what happened and I can't change that. All I can do is accept it and make sure that I never allow it to happen to my children. No amount of counseling will ever make it go away. So why dwell on it.
    My heart goes out to people who have suffered from abuse and illness. Illness has chose those who have had to suffer through it. Not one of those people have reached out and chose to be afflicted with that illness. Those people need understanding and much love. An ear to listen and a heart to show sympathy. At some point in everyone's life a person needs to have someone. Maybe just to listen, maybe to offer a solution but most definitely an ear to hear. And a heart to care.
    In my religion we've been taught that before coming to this earth we were spirit children and Heavenly Father gave all of us the gift of choice. As well as showing us what our earthly life would be like. In showing us our earthly life we had the choice of coming to this earth and over coming our trials to earn our place in the highest degree of heaven living with Jesus Christ & God and to earn eternal life. If we choose to work our way back to Heavenly Father and gain eternal life. Or we may choose to remain spirit children residing in what space we are in in one degree of heaven. Everyone on this earth saw their life prior to coming here and made a conscious choice to come and live with what we have saw in our life. Just to earn eternal life and dwell with our Heavenly Father. In the process of being born the choices me made as spirit children are erased from our memories in coming to a mortal body. But at any case we all need compassion and a heart for our fellow humans. So yes, I have great compassion. I strongly believe in the rule treat others as you want to be treated. I also strongly believe in the scripture of "WHEN YE HAVE DONE TO THE LEAST OF ME, YE HAVE DONE UNTO ME'". My heart goes out to Morrisa and all she's having go through. Life is hard enough with its daily struggles. But then to be afflicted with a terrible disease, not once, or twice but 3 or 4 times is beyond anyones comprehension. Then to hear that a persons child believes that that person purposely got this disease again and that that child blames them for it, that is beyond understandable. Like I said earlier at some point in ones life everyone needs someone. For whatever reason. And if I can make someone's last days happier and easier by being that someone, that ear, that heart that cares, then I see no reason why I should not reach out and be that someone for a person in great need. My days are full, but in all honesty how much time does it really take out of ones life to be a ear, or give from the heart. When I crochet at bed tone, that can be set aside for a bit. A movie can wait. But a person in need cannot wait. Especially when that person has a time limit stamped on their life span. Kindness comes from within and how long does it really take to show kindness. Just a second or a few minutes. That alone can make the literal difference between life and death. From living in hell or gaining eternal life. Just a few minutes and a ear or a heart. That's all it takes to make a persons life a much more happier place to live in for what ever time they have.
    I don't need praise for wanting to help Morrisa. I am only doing what Jesus would do for me in the same situation. But thank you anyway.

  7. #27

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    Sep 2012
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    Tinley Park, Illinois
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    My heart goes out to Morrisa. I went through the same thing with my mother. She was bedridden with the cancer the last year of her life. I quit my job and was with her all during the day, every day. My sister-in-law stayed with her during the night. She had non-Hotchkins lymphoma. There is cancer in my family, on my mother's side. I see so many comments to you, and it warms my heart. I've been praying for you.

    To Mom to all: What kind of mother did you have??? In my eyes she wasn't a mother at all! I come from a close family, and it's hard for me to understand a mother like that. I'm glad to hear that you have moved beyond your childhood, and you see to it that it doesn't happen to your children.

    There are so many caring people on this site. Morrisa, we care about you and what you are going through. I don't believe that your daughter is mad at you, just at the cancer. She is having a hard time coping with it. She must love you very much.

    Please take care, and know you are in our hearts.

  8. #28

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    Feb 2015
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    Belleville michigan
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    Abuse is something I know of. I have done a lot of stupid stuff but I met and married my ex husband all within a 6 wk time span something I will never ever do again. I can't get married anymore anyway i'd loose half my income . My ex has manic depression bi polar he was finally diagnosed when he tried to commit suside at GM where he worked and got caught. They sent him to a hospital and called me. He blamed me for all of his problems ( we were married 18 yr when the divorce was finalized). We weren't married long when that happened. He refuses medication . Mental Illness is a hard thing to have to live with. I first got hit 6 mo after we married for simply asking " what would you like us to get for Christmas for your 2 girls?" I was knocked across the room for asking that. I love love love children but never could get pregnant. My ex if he didn't like a look on your face or you didn't do what he wanted you to do you got knocked on your butt. He knocked me down once and dragged me by my feet and threw my cruthes out the door and locked it I also had a black eye. The worst is when he got me down on the floor and beat my head against a cement floor my head swelled 3 times its normal size and I wasn't allowed out the door till I healed. I finally started couseling and the psychritrist told me I was getting ready to leave my ex which I eventually did . I walked out and never looked back. it took $25,000. and 2 yr to get my divorce and settle property. To this day I don't have a thing to do with him.

    We all have our roads to walk but I will be honest with you Judy I wish my mother had aborted me ! Why do I say that? I have always been ok with my cp and I used to walk on and off with cruthes. But in 09 when I broke my femur bone that did it I am afraid of falling and breaking another bone I wouldn't wish all I have gone through on anyone. So I choose to be in a wheelchair now full time.

    I have no family well I do have 3 sisters but only one is talking to me right now due to my parents estate settlement my sisters wanted to change the will and I refused. So hence no talking to Barb. I never was able to have children but I do have one sister that had children 3 boys and 1 girl I never see them either but know everyone has busy lives. My ex has 2 girls they are grown now and they have children I've called my grandkids all the time. The oldest got kicked out of her house and came to live with me she had no where to go. Well I never raised a child and she was about to turn 18 when I got her. She blames me for every mistake I made when she was here. She lived with me for 2 yrs. her then fiancée got hurt I took care of him best I could then when I broke my leg he is the one that took care of me not my granddaughter. Now no one talks to me I am not allowed to see my grandkids or talk to them. They are all grown now and can make their own decisions but they aren't lineing up to my front door.

    We all make mistakes in life I get that. I also know that god gave us choices to make on our own. I suffer from depression and heart problems besides the CP. The older you get the more you get. I am almost deaf in both ears and now have hearing aids.

    Can I say that I am happy NO I am soooooooooooo very tired of hearing that word NO from god. I don't ask for things for myself very often but when I do its a NOOO everytime.

    With CP in a lot but not all cases mental retardation goes with it and I am a slow person both mentally and physically just call me turtle. I've figured all that out on my own. My mother told me the doctors when they diagnosed me with the CP wanted her to put me in a group home for mentally challenged people she refused. I can function on my own and most of the time I know how to do what needs to be done but on occasion I do ask for help. Take for instance Right now I am having problems trying to get my crochet tension tigeter and I am having one heck of a time. I've been told by two crocheters my stitches are too loose. I can't do tiny things like Earrings, tiny buttons some lids on stuff that sorta thing because my cp won't let me. I actually feel bad for my parents they are super heros to have had me and take care of me all my life and put up with doctors, braces and hospitals which I despise now. I have always been a sickly child.

    Ok will get off my soap box now. Ya know if you wanna private message me you can. I am also on FB Barbara Neeley clark.

  9. #29

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    Jul 2017
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    I was born in West Virginia and I live in Kentucky and I'm half Native American Blackfoot
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    Thank you soooo much got admitted to oakbend hospital this am i feel truly blessed to have such good people as you will contact you on fb or mess GOD BLESS

  10. #30

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    I was born in West Virginia and I live in Kentucky and I'm half Native American Blackfoot
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    I love all of the patterns and ideas you mind much admired caring thoughtful and loving family from this great group I was admitted last night to the hospital with pneumonia caused by the Teemo what better place than to sit and crochet having you guys around he's at the pain of being alone my parents are gone my mom died of cancer when I was six months old dad died 15 years ago cancer I'm in Texas by myself and everybody else is still back in West Virginia Kentucky except for two of my sons they're out here with me God bless each and everyone of you all for giving me strength for bringing a smile to my lips and a twinkle to my eye

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