Been off line for awhile

I haven't posted in a long time .. The reason is our son passed away in Oct. he was our only child he was 42 and lived in Key West . He took his own life due to depression none of his friends there saw it coming as he was always helping others there and laughing and telling jokes ,then one day it was all over for him and us. I will never recover fully no matter what people says about time heals all never going to happen . Im just now starting to crochet again and I cry when Im alone . As does my husband. we have to become 2 people one for our jobs and one at home. this is hard as I work in Wal-Mart as a cashier and so many people knew my son and with the holidays and everyone so happy I must keep smiling and looking at their happiness while inside my heart is breaking ,Im only working 4 hours a day now as I have a bad leg that the doctor says cant be opersted on the nerve damage is so bad that a neurosurgeon whuld have to do it and it is a risky operation so I will remain on pain pills and work 4 hrs a day by the end of the day even with the 4 hours Im in pain and my leg burns inside the nerve is up by my femral (sp) artery and would be a tricky operation for some one my age 66yrs . I will not give up my job as it is what keeps me sane I cant sit home. We have our sons ashes n a stand with his pictures ,and I had a cross made up with some of his ashes inside so I have him with me always. Im reading books by an author George Anderson ,I just ordered the book We Don't Die I just read his book Our Childern Forever.I need to know he is alright . Im a Christian and I he is with God family and friends now but Im always needing to be reassured I miss him so much.Im sorry to burden you all with my sorrow I guess I just needed to talk. I will get more involved with the forums promise.Im making crocheted names in thread now for Christmas gifts for some I work withIm in the process of starching them now and blocking them out.I have made about 12 sofar only starched 4 so I better get going on this They take about 2 days to dry.The ones who receive them can frame them as they please.Im also making some ornaments for my twin nephews who are 4yrs. their father my brothers son was doing good on his heron addiction and was dry for a year when our son passed he went back and now is in jail ,and my older brother had a stroke one week after our sons memorial and is paralyzed on his left side and should be dead so the doctors say but my brother says he will prove them wrong and wil survive and walk again.But doctors say it is a matter of time with a heart attack r another stroke will hit him and it will be all over. He is a diabetic and has heart problems but he is a fighter,and says he wont give up. So I will pray for him and go to see him in rehab this weekend . He is 70yrs, and has been a truck driver with his wife driving cvoast to coast for many years. I sometimes ask myself why am I still hear and what use am I to anyone anymore because my only child who was my world is gone I have really no will left to stay here anymore but God will point me in the right direction I hope. Thankyou for listening to my endless chatter. I love you all and wish you all the best this holiday season Love Peggy Failing.

Hi Peggy, though I cannot even imagine the extent of pain you feel, all I can say is I am really sorry for your loss. May God reunite you with your son in heaven. Keep yourself busy, crochet more. Find ways to help others and last but not the least keep praying for strength. Loads of ((HUGS))-----Shehnaaz

I know that there are no word that I can say to you to comfort you so I will pray for your family.